Black Iris
2002-07-14
6:42 a.m.
We have been suffering this super deep deppression the last week . It was greatly concerning me because I didn't understand the intensity of sadness . Jenny was able to tell that someone inside was extremely sad but no one knew who the sufferer was . Nor why it was effecting each and every one of us so strongly .
It was Solar . She finally told me about it . That's why it effected us as much as it did , because she is always present with all of us at all times . She rarely actually fronts herself , when she does it's totally lucky for her because she has tried willing herself to front , she has tried shoving the fronting person back , she tried overpowering with her mind , but absolutely nothing worked !
It takes a lot of energy to front . Even if you share it with several , like now , Jenny and I are sharing , and of course Solar is here , sometimes we go into like a hibernation mode after fronting for stretches .
Solar never gets to rest . I'm wondering if that is why she isn't meant to actually front , she is meant to watch and keep us safe . You cannot watch when you are actively fronting . I'm postulating here ( that a word ? hmmm... think so but no idea if I have the correct meaning , I'll look it up later , for now it sounds good to me ;)
So due to the fact that Solar is a watcher with the career of keeping us safe and she never gets to rest , I don't think she is supposed to front . I believe she is our first line of defense against enemies . I don't think she needs distractions . She is soul searching , looking for herself . I have never seen her like this , she has always had very strong emotions that go up and down like a rollercoaster . But she has never lost her sense of wanting to protect us . I hope she pulls herself out of this slump quickly .
We can't survive without her . Not only does she protect us from enemies she protects us from ourselves . We need her .
I am dead.
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