Black Iris
2002-06-21
1:49 a.m.
I am very confused . I have no idea where I have been but I know I was gone from this body awhile . But I have absolutely no memory of this past month whatsoever ! Something is very different though but I can't put my finger on just what that is .
Things feel_better_somehow . Not even sure what I mean . Something happened to me ...
I can't remember why but I like me better because I realized somewhere along the line that things that were wrong weren't that way because of me , like I had thought . I was blaming ALL our woes on me . I had thought that if I were gone the rest of them could finally be happy . But that just isn't true . They actually NEED me . Because I help balance things somehow . I'm really confused .
No one knows i'm back yet . I'm kind of shy and am half afraid no one will be happy to see me . I'm scared .
I suppose i'll always be shy , but I have some confidence now . I wonder where it came from . I wonder what happened to me that I feel so much better about me . Even if no one else is glad to see me , i'm glad i'm back ! I'm very glad to see me , and somehow it seems that is what matters .
I'm definitely not the bad person I was thinking I was . I have issues with trust . But that does NOT make me a bad person . Nor do the bad things that happened to me . They were not my fault !
AND I'M NOT UGLY EITHER !
Just because I take a bad picture on occasion doesn't mean that i'm ugly . You put make-up on me and i'm even prettier than the rest ;)
I am dead.
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